Inaba no Reitetsu
by matsuma
Summary: I have no idea how I got here. Lining up with a white kimono with all the other people who wore the exact same thing. Looking back, I don't think I've ever done anything wrong to go into hell.


Hello!

This is a new story that I've started and hopefully be inspired enough to continue this story unlike my other ones…

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><p>I have no idea how I got here. Lining up with a white kimono with all the other people who wore the exact same thing. Looking back, I don't think I've ever done anything wrong to go into hell.<p>

Other than the fact that I may have accidentally suggested to Akechi Mitsuhide to betray Oda Nobunaga but other than that I've never done anything that bad.

Living as Akechi Mitsuhide's secret tactician was probably one of the easiest things I've ever done in my whole life. Most of the time, Oda Nobunaga would order him to do things and being the idiot he was he ignored my words and listened to Oda Nobunaga like a lost puppy.

In other words it was sickening to watch. So during the peak of Oda Nobunaga's rise in power I may or may have not commented on how Akechi Mitsuhide could kill Oda Nobunaga.

What I didn't expect was to get burned to death during the incident at Honnoji. I didn't predict Oda Nobunaga to order Mori Ranmaru to burn the temple down. If I did, I won't have been in that stupid temple, and defiantly would not have died.

Though, back to reality, I wonder if Oda Nobunaga ever end up in hell like me. If he did, I bet he would have sunk at the bottom of the lake of blood.

Sighing, I shuffled forwards waiting for the next person in front of me to go into the hall where Lord Enma sat to judge the other sinners.

Looking to my left, I saw two demons watching the line of dead humans grumbling but lining up in a line waiting to have an audience with Lord Enma.

I wonder if there is really 10 lords that give out judgement. I don't really want to line up a long line waiting for my judgement 10 times.

Watching as the two demons came up to me signalling my turn in the audience with Lord Enma.

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><p>I stood in front of the large table where Lord Enma seated and a young man with a horn in the middle of his forehead, he looked terribly pissed off at Lord Enma while gesturing at the scroll that resided in his hands.<p>

"U-Um… Lord Enma and Mr. Hoozuki… We've brought the next criminal" stammered the demon on my right while the left demon kept a close eye on me. I sighed and watched as Lord Enma get embarrassed and started shuffling papers. Was this person really the one in charge of hell?

"Inaba Chinatsu, you have lead thousands of men to death and you were the main cause of the death of Oda Nobunaga therefore you are to be sentenced to four thousand years in-"

"Wait. When did I ever 'lead thousands of men to death' and how am I the main cause of the death of Oda Nobunaga? All I ever do was merely suggest the way that he could possibly kill himself to Akechi Mitsuhide, which he decided on his free will to do which I had no influence on. How does that even warrant me to going to Hell in the first place?" I was not going to deal with this bullshit. I would was going to _fight_ for my freedom from never-ending torture in Hell. Even if it killed me… again.

"Err... Um... Hoozuki-kun help me, I don't quite know what to say to her…" he said whining to the man who stood next to Lord Enma's desk while reading a scroll.

I stared at him wondering what he would say to me. Although I may not be good at human communication I think I had a rather good point.

"Hm… Miss. Inaba would you be interested in working here?" I blinked at him. I did not expect that response from this man called Hoozuki.

"If I do, would I not have to serve my sentence?"

"Of course, unless you would prefer that"

"Do I get to smoke on the job?"

"Yes"

"Well then Mr. Hoozuki, it'll be a pleasure working for you"

The two demons that brought me here to the hall and Lord Enma watched our conversation with rapt interest.

"Hoozuki-kun, why did you offer Miss. Inaba a job?" Lord Enma asked Hoozuki while the two demons left the hall slowly.

"Ah, well, Miss. Inaba did work for Akechi Mitsuhide and Akechi Mitsuhide did work for Oda Nobunaga, remember Lord Enma?"

"Ah! So she's a famous being?" I snorted in the stupidity that resided in Lord Enma.

"Of course not, I'm not allowed to be famous remember? During that time, women weren't allowed to be more knowledgeable than men. I thought you knew that Lord Enma" Lord Enma slumped on his desk sighing.

"Ah, Miss. Inaba please follow me" Hoozuki called out while checking his watch and gestured me to follow him.

I was walking behind Hoozuki while admiring the structure of the building, until he reached a door with pink fumes seeping out between the gaps.

Hoozuki pushed the two doors open to reveal a street with loads of shops which sold kimonos, fragrances, and cosmetics.

I followed him when he started walking down the street as if he was looking for someone.

"Ah, Miss. Okou, do you mind selecting a new kimono for Miss. Inaba here?" he waved at me to stand next to me facing the lady with teal hair and a purple kimono.

"Hello Miss. Okou, pleased to meet you I'm Inaba Chinatsu" I bowed politely.

"Hello Chinatsu-chan, I heard you needed a new kimono?" she looked at my current kimono up and down "I didn't know you were a sinner, though may I ask why Mr. Hoozuki is asking me to pick a new kimono for you"

"Oh, about that Miss. Inaba would be working as a secretary of sorts for me so I couldn't possibly drag her around while she's wearing a white kimono, yes?" he looked at me expectantly, as I slowly nodded.

So he was planning to drag me around then, I didn't even know I was going to be a secretary.

"That's wonderful we'll have another female member joining the Hell staff, follow me Chinatsu-chan, oh, it's alright if I call you Chinatsu-chan, right?"

"I don't mind Miss. Okou"

"Well then, Mr. Hoozuki if you could wait here while I get Chinatsu-chan a new kimono" Okou said as she entered a shop, waving me to follow her.

"Miss. Inaba please remind Miss. Okou that we're tight on schedule" Hoozuki said while gesturing to me that he'll be waiting outside the store.

Sighing, I nodded and swiftly entered the store, hoping it'll end quickly.

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><p>I exited the shop to find Mr. Hoozuki talking to a demon who seemed to be waving papers around as he spoke.<p>

I gripped the pipe I managed to have on me as I died and luckily none of the demons took it off me, thumbing the mouth piece, I peered into the shop seeing Miss. Okou gossiping with the female attendant.

Running my fingers through my hair, I walked to Mr. Hoozuki who seemed to finish off his talk with the other demon.

"Miss. Inaba you look far more presentable now" he mentioned after seeing my new kimono.

It wasn't far off to what I wore when I was alive, but I have opted for a blander colour to fit in with the rest of what the other demons wore.

A tan beige kimono with a barely visible pattern throughout the whole kimono and a dark terracotta brown obi with a gold stitched spider lilies.

Nodding in thanks, I tucked the pipe I was holding in the folds of my kimono.

"I'm guessing I have to start work now?"

"You've guessed right Miss. Inaba; we'll have to hurry to Lord Enma's room. Apparently, there are problems that they'll like to consult to me and I have to do an inspection so during that I'll like you to accompany me. Please think of it as a tour of Hell"

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><p>I officially feel sorry for Lord Enma, seeing him swarmed with demons demanding for assistance in other areas of Hell, Hoozuki did nothing but turn on his heel and started briskly walking to god knows where.<p>

"I thought you were going to help Lord Enma…?"

Silence was the only reply, so instead I kept quiet trailing after Hoozuki until a demon came running up to Hoozuki.

From the distance I was in all I could hear was something about the animal cruelty hell about being understaffed.

I leant on a pillar while they had their talk, hoping someone had a match so I could have a bit of a smoke, ever since I've been in hell I haven't had a single chance of being able to smoke which is a huge accomplishment for me considering I've been in here for roughly a week now.

"Miss. Inaba please follow us" Hoozuki said snapping me out of my stupor.

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><p>I trailed after Hoozuki and the demon while watching the scenery.<p>

"Miss. Inaba, to the left you should be able to the mountain of needles and further down the path is the area of animal cruelty." I nodded in reply before hearing footsteps behind me calling for Hoozuki.

A short demon came running while waving around a clipboard calling out for Hoozuki.

I watched silently as that demon hand Hoozuki the clipboard probably talking about work. Alas, I have no interest _whatsoever. _

I stared into the distance after seeing a white haired demon come running calling for Hoozuki once again. I would hate to be in Hoozuki's shoes to be honest. The amount of work that comes rolling in his path is torturous, then again it may be a normal workload, but for someone who's _really_ lazy.

I admire him for saint like patience.

Listening in to their conversation, that white haired demon is apparently called Nasubi, how cute, eggplant is a cute name that makes me hungry.

They were talking about a person called Momotaro that was causing trouble and before I knew it Nasubi grabbed Hoozuki by his arm and started dragging him away.

I wonder if they were talking about 'that' Momotaro, if they were I really want to see what kind of person he is…

Following Hoozuki and Nasubi until Hoozuki came to a stop suddenly watching a dead person struggle in an iron maiden.

"When did you introduce that iron maiden? And where did you get the budget?" Hoozuki said mentioning the rocking iron maiden dripping with blood.

"Eh? Lord Enma said it was okay..."

I watched with amusement as Hoozuki's mood plummet down and a pissed aura appeared.

A demon ran to Hoozuki and slapped Nasubi's head before saying to Hoozuki while bowing "I'm very sorry Mr. Hoozuki for calling you out when you're very busy-"

A shout of surprise came from the side as a young, arrogant looking man wearing an ugly pink kimono with peaches…

Oh…

"I like this treatment! Is he your superior?" he referred to Hoozuki and pulled out his sword "Now fight me!"

I can't believe this is _the_ Momotaro. I expected a more, ah, strong looking man.

He looked absolutely stupid, with a pheasant on his shoulder and a white dog and a monkey on either side… how did he ever defeat the demons in Onigashima?

Hoozuki started whispering to the demon beside him while I waved Nasubi over to sit with me on a rock.

I sat down on a nearby rock watching as Nasubi came trotting over to me before sitting down.

"Miss, what's your name?" he questioned me with wide-eyed innocence

"Hm? Me? I'm Inaba Chinatsu, nice to meet you Nasubi"

I watched as the group of animals started discussing in a huddle while Momotaro started screeching about being a subordinate of a hero or something.

There was an insult or two thrown at Momotaro by the demon that stood beside Momotaro about being delicate until Momotaro pointed a finger at Hoozuki screeching "I want you to fight me, or are you afraid?"

I don't personally think provoking Hoozuki was I good idea, but this would be a good opportunity to see how strong Hoozuki is.

Nasubi jumped up from his seat beside me before defending Hoozuki about being an important person.

The conversation continued making me drowsy yet amused at the same time until Momotaro started stamping his feet throwing a tantrum, the old fashioned way.

I stood up dusting off my kimono as I slowly made my way over to Nasubi's side, deciding that the conversation was going to be a lot more interesting as Hoozuki started pulled out his club.

I raised an eyebrow as Hoozuki smashed a nearby rock; I think I made a wise decision of not sitting on that rock…

Sighing, I watched as Momotaro retreated to his group and bent down to start a group discussion, they seemed to be in a disagreement of sorts as the animals seemed to be troubled, until the rest of the group hid behind a rather conveniently place large rock and the white dog started making his way over towards Hoozuki. The white dog mumbled something before exclaiming.

"You have slits like a turtle!"

"Soft Bank is your father!" was the immediate reply from Hoozuki. I blink in surprise watching the dog go down in defeat.

"That was the one thing I didn't want to hear… But having Ueto Aya as my daughter can be nice"

Unable to resist the temptation I called out "But she's married off now" giving the dog extra mental damage.

How I know about modern technology and entertainment is that during the line of waiting for judgement, occasionally there would be a television on a table to cure the other people waiting in line of their boredom. I must say I did learn a lot.

I broke down into laughter as the pheasant called Shiro an underdog.

Then the monkey jumped into the air while rolling and introducing himself as the team's brain Kakisuke.

I waited for Hoozuki's next mental attack on Kakisuke while I started petting Nasubi's hair. The white fluffy hair reminded me of a cat.

"Kakisuke? Ah, the permission monkey, weren't you sued by the crab family 600 years ago on charges of grievous bodily harm? Did you ever apologize?"

To those words Kakisuke went down.

Next was Lurio the pheasant.

"You're a much larger bird that to what I have expected. Other than that, I don't really have anything to say"

I can't believe Lurio went down with those words.

Momotaro came running to them after Lurio went down and pointed his sword at Hoozuki.

Obviously, the sword snapped and a piece of the blade flew next to Nasubi to where we were just sitting and embedded itself in there creating cracks in the rock after Hoozuki swung his club.

I'm so glad I got off that rock and stood on the other side of Nasubi.

Inspecting the blade embedded into the rock lost in my thought before a heard a painful skin to skin contact.

Focusing my attention on Momotaro again, I saw Hoozuki had slapped Momotaro in the face.

A fairly short, yet emotional conversation soon followed and Hoozuki then offered jobs to the animals.

Ah, so this was how he was going to solve the understaffed animal cruelty hell problem.

Hoozuki turned to Momotaro as he petted Shiro.

"As to you, I would like you to offer you a job as well"

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><p>A couple of days later, Hoozuki called for me again.<p>

"We'll be going to visit Momotaro in Shangri-La to check up on how his new job is going"

As we walked down a long corridor to fill the silence I asked Hoozuki "Do you happen to know where I could get a match anywhere?"

"Ah, you could buy that in the main street" he slipped his hand in the folds of his kimono pulling out a box of matches before offering it to me. "I happen to have some on me today; would you like to use one?"

"Do you mind if I smoke them Mr. Hoozuki?" I asked taking the box of matched before opening it to pull one out.

"Not at all Miss. Inaba"

Pulling out my pipe from the folds of my kimono I striked a match lighting it before lighting my pipe.

Being able to smoke after a long period of not being able to. This was my own definition of heaven. Tucking the boxes of matches where I place my pipe in we entered Shangri-La.

Acres and acres of land filled with peach trees and rabbits here and there filled my vision. I watched as Hoozuki bent down to pick up a rabbit before cradling it and started walking through the forest of peach trees.

We entered a clearing where we saw Momotaro working hard cutting grass and wearing a much normal outfit.

After Hoozuki and Momotaro's brief conversation, I bowed at Momotaro before leaving with Hoozuki back to hell.

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><p>I sat on the wooden flooring letting my legs dangle as Hoozuki water his goldfish plants. He had offered to take me to the cafeteria, but not after he watered his plants so he had offered me to see his plants.<p>

Taking a deep drag from my still lit pipe I watched as another demon started talking to Hoozuki about the goldfish plants.

After Hoozuki finished watering his plants, he gestured me to follow him.

Finally, food.

Before entering the cafeteria, I threw away the ashes from my pipe on a piece of paper before tucking it back to the sleeves on my kimono.

Lining up behind Hoozuki, I stared at the variety of food they had, from fried rice, to hot pot they had everything you could ever imagine.

Taking a ramen set, and Hoozuki having a shrimp tempura set, we sat down on a table next to each other watching a television show from the other world.

Lord Enma soon joined us after the show ended and a television program about Australia started.

I watched with interest about the program about Australia started introducing different species of animals that lived in Australia.

Bluntly ignoring Hoozuki and Lord Enma's conversation, I watched the show until the end when they started rolling their credits. The screen changed and to my surprise Hoozuki had won the 3 day 4 night trip to Australia.

Suddenly, Hoozuki and Lord Enma shot up discussing about the trip to Australia while I nibbled on the pudding I had taken for dessert watching their conversation amused.

If this was my life in Hell, it might not be as bad as I thought it was going to be.

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><p>I hope you had fun, or at least I hope it made sense. I'm very sorry in advance if I don't update in a <em>loooong<em> time.


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